Hard to let him go

Driving back home and listening to the 103.5 radio station. "The hardest part of love is let him go...." I think it is so true.

Boxing day

Got up late then went out for lunch. Afternoon met up with my cousin. So many people in downtown, some line-ups in front of some shops! Crazy, it seems that most of things are gone already. Bought some drinking chocolate, mostly window shopping because did not see any that I want. Then met up with my friend and her BF, we four had dinner together. Happy to see those two love birds togehter, just so sweet!

Got home then listened to Pavarotti again. Thinking of something or somebody. Going to sleep soon and call it a day!

Moth

Have you ever seen moth chasing the fire? I was wondering why. I guess it loves the beauty of the bright light then just die for it.

What

What I am fighting for? What I am afraid of preventing it from letting it flow? I know I am falling into it; I did; and I do, deeper and deeper every day. I tried to control it, but what I can do now is only let it go of it. I am longing for it, it is not passion only, it is something else. It happened so naturally and inextricably.

Merry Christmas

Got up late today and did some cleaning and laundry. Had some soup and made some berry shake. Listening to Pavarotti now. Want to be alone, need to be, and think of my life. A friend just asked me out for dinner, but feel a little lazy.

Was I in PMS streak? Am I in a mood to listen to the Opera?

The first time spending my Christmas day alone, as least so far. Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve 2005

Had dinner with some friends, then five of us headed to a Catholic church in downtown Vancouver. It is said that it is the biggest Catholic church in Vancouver. We were there around 8:30pm, a friend said that if we were there around 9pm, it might no space,which did not happen this year. There are many people, but still many spaces. The last time I went to a church was 4 or five years ago. I am not Catholic though, but I do believe something, something natural, beautiful; I believe in love:)

A friend said if a non-catholic married a catholic, they could not have a wedding in a catholic church; unless one could pass the course and exam to become a catholic. He was asked to become a catholic before, but he failed the course, not sure if it was his intention. I was thinking, the rule is foolish; but if I have to become a catholic for some reasons, let's say love, I would do.

My ex-BF back to Vancouver and wanted to spend the Christmas eve with me...He told me "I love you, alice" over the phone, I did not respond. I remember that last time he said that over the phone, I almost dropped off my phone and fell off the chair......

Generally speaking, it is a good day, and a good Christmas eve. So far two people asked me if I think 2006 is a good year, I said yes. I believe it will be a good year, many good things will happen in 2006!

What happened today

Is it still raining? Yes maybe just a little, light rain, could hear that. The fireplace is on, could hear it too. Something is trying to catch me, catch my heart, that is why I am still wide awake?

This morning a coworker took me a picture for his "Me and friends project", because I left the Christmas Party early last Friday, he could not have one, so he wanted to make it up. Then after work, had a birthday party for a female coworker in the environmental chamber with Australian climate-38 DegreeC, hot and humid. It is crazy but fun. Had some Champain, wine and low alchohol wine, turn red:)

Then drove to downtown, the good thing is that no policeman stop me and no accident. Went last minute shopping tonight. Ordered some wrapped chicken in a small shop along Robson, eating while walking down the street with my dear friend, feel happy. It is a good feeling to try that kind of food then eat it on the street, :P. It doesn't happen to me often though, only the third time in 6 years:) Is it something unpredictable? (I like things predictable though, feel comfortable.) Then had some Lotus tea at Starbucks talking.

Got back home, wrapping the gift and then did lingeries laundry, it is hand wash:(

Feel tired, physically and mentally, sleep soon, hope will have a good one.....

Alone

Woke up in the middle of the night, suddenly feel alone... Then called in a sick this morning, want to be alone:) Checking emails and writing card for dear friend. Feel better.

Thinking about the time when I was still a student, thinking about a dear friend from high school. Thinking about the Trip to Fragrant Hill. It is such a nice and sweet feeling. That warm feelings make me smile.

Happiness

Happiness is totally a personal thing, it is all about how you feel about things that make you happy. When I am upset, I tell myself why I should punish myself by somebody else's fault? Thinking this way makes me feel better, at least a little better.

Yes, I was happy, most of the time, or try to be happy most of the time. I feel great sometimes, however at the same time, feel so bad for somethings for some reasons recently. Why I should be? We have many ways living this life, but I am sure it is not the way.

I love purity and complete. I want to love without any reservation. This will make me happy!

A day

On my way to Grouse Mountain this morning, there was a terrible car accident, which was a very bad crash. I was thinking how horrible it was just before Christmas! Had to use another road. Then just before going toward Lion's gate bridge, two policemen blocked the road. I was in a hurry and thinking what it is wrong this moring! Crap! Just when I passed the blocked road, the guy was collecting the barrier, I shouted out, "what happened?" The policemen gave me a helpless and confused look. I suspect they misunderstood the order or something.

Then I took the Gondola to the top of the Grouse Mt. You know what happened? The Gondola just stopped in the middle of the ride, hanging on the wire, at an altitude of 1200ft, swinging; then moved a little, then stopped again. I was scared it falling down to the cliffs, I told another instructor that I do not want to die yet, especially before Christmas; and I was thinking I still have somethings to do...

The girl said that she takes the ride more than 500 times, this although is unusual, it happened. Then of course, I was safe there, otherwise, I would not be able to sit here writing:)

King Kong

Watched this movie recently. MG, I never cried so badly when watching a movie, I did cry sometimes, but this time, just could not help.

It is such a touching movie, the love of the beast could shake the mountain. The love, unconditional and desperate...The beast holds the beauty in his hand as if she is the whole world for him. He is so satisfied being with her. Sitting in his hand, watching the sunset with him together, the girl was sleeping in his arms feeling so safe. "Beautiful", not only the sunset and the view, but also the LOVE. It is beautiful!

The captured beast run away to a park holding her in his hand, sliding or dancing on the surface of the frozen pond, so happy, both! I wished it could be forever, and time could stop! I wished the girl just stay in the jungle with him, and nobody can find them, live happily ever after, like all the fairy tales.

Human beings do not know what they are doing and where their position is sometimes, but they thought they knew everything. They creat troubles for others, destroy and make troubles for themselves. Shit! Sad movies make me cry!

"It is not airplane, it is the beautity kills the beast." Does love kill?

The most romantic thing

This is a title of a song.

Sitting on the carpet, back by back
Talking about wishes and listening to the music
You hope I will be more gentle
I hope you put me in your heart;

You say you want to give me a most romantic deam
Thank me for helping you find the heaven
No matter how long it takes to achieve
As long as I say, you will never foget;

The most romantic thing I can think of
is to get old with you together
Until we are too old to go anywhere
You still hold me as precious baby in your hands

Enjoy the life

Life is short, which is what everybody knows. I am quite occupied by the idea of enjoying the life. Enjoying the life is what I have been telling myself. Perhaps many people think the same too, but how to enjoy the life is another thing and differs from different people and their perspectives and attitude for life.

Talking to a dear friend recently and happy to know he is doing pretty well and satisfied with what he has. Could feel the peace of his heart. Imagine how he looks like now, after all, have not seen him for many years already! Told him before that I am always moved when seeing old couple still holding hand together, and got an old couple doll from him not long after that.....The life he is living is what I am lusting for......

The dream I ever had seems so far away from me, although I know it is still in my heart. Simple life, simple pleasure, close to the nature, traveling with the dear one, see the world together, get old together, holding hands...I have a thing with holding hands, it is my weakness:)

Active body and peaceful mind! Enjoy the life!

Shopping

I created a shopping list for Christmas then started last weekend. Sometimes it is easy shopping for somebody, sometimes hard. For dear friends, it is ok, you know what they like, and you know whatever you buy, they will like it; for some, it is a little difficult.

Bought some already so far, still looking for something else, Ugh, forgot to buy the cards, better get some by Wednesday...Otherwise, too late. Also still need at least two days for shopping. So busy before the holiday!

Argh!

Volunteering

Went up Grouse Mt. Sunday morning. *Shit* (sorry for the word.) Had to get up early, I so wanted to sleep more, oh, warm under the blanket, cozy....

But had to get to Gondola at the Grouse at 10am. I am volunteering to teach some disabled people skiing, which is my second year. Last year, I was with sit-skiing and drop-in program. This year, I started with drop-in this December, which is very early.

The student is a hearing impaired young adult, he was doing pretty well first day this year on the slope. It was very hot up there, 9+ degree C. Wow, so hot! Everything went well except he lost his hat:( He could do the parallel skiing, or trying to do that now. We planned to go to the other green or blue run next Sunday.

It is really a good feeling to see those people enjoy the skiing and smile. So getting up early on Sunday is worthy it!

Biological clock

Tonight a friend called and wanted to take me for hot chocolate. He said that after skiing, hot chocolate helps me sleep well.

I had a hot tub and then had some hot chocolate with him. He talked about the biological clock of women, yes, not a welcome topic for women, but very reasonable. According to his logic, I better have kids soon. Uh! It is second time he mentioned that, I asked him "what is wrong with you?"

I was laughing and to appreciate his kind reminder, I said that all right, I would put kids in my plan:)

Expectation

How high your expectation is for life? Compare to the universe, we are nothing, negligible. So our happiness or pain is nothing, is that true? But we are human beings, we care too much about how we feel, what we like, and what we want. We have feelings, even animal has feelings, actually we are animals; so we can feel the pain, we feel happy and we have expectations!

This life time is too short, we might not have enough time to acomplish something, I did not mean only career, I mean things in life...I just feel that I have so many things to do, but not enough time.

I expect that I could sleep until late, but I could not these weekends; although I did enjoy everything I do. I expect that I meet true love this life time; but what if real life meets true love before I do? I expect that you could hold my hands until the end of our lives......

I was told that things take care of themselves and have a way of unfolding and revealing what I least expect. What I could say?

Joke on the lift

Went skiing today. It is such a beautiful day! I took a few pictures using my cell phone which are amazing. The moon was hanging in the sky sharing with the sun, then there is a joke told by friend.

Two blondes were talking, one asked another, "which one is further, the moon or Florida?" The other said, "it is Florida, of course, you can not see Florida from here."

:)

Yes, we can see the moon, but not Florida. Sometimes you feel something is so close, actually it is so far away from you!

How to lose a guy in 10 days

Watched this movie last night, not bad, funny. A guy promised to make a girl love him in 10 days for a deal, but the girl who was picked up at the bar also had a deal with her boss, writing an article about How to lose a guy in 10 days!

So you can imagine, the girl did whatever she could to piss the guy off and tried hard to push him away, pink things, baby talk; while the guy tried hard to make the girl love him.

Of course you also can imagine that finally they fell in love with each other in 10 days! 10 Days!

Thinking of

Went sking yesterday until 9pm, yes, almost whole day! I was so tired and wanted to be tired, thinking that I would have a good sleep after a hot-tub and tea. However, maybe too excited or after such excise, whatever the reason is, I woke up early this morning.

Wow, it is snowing, just notice that, the snow flakes falling down from sky. People say rain is the tear of heaven, then what snow is?

Sitting here watching the falling snow in a Sunday morning and thinking of.....

Beauty of the life

In this world, not many can find his good half, they are looking for and waiting, but never happen in this life time! If we are lucky enough, we will find each other and be with each other, love each other for the rest of our life time!

People say beauty of the life exists in the tragedy! I do not like this saying, too sad!

The week

It was a busy week and I feel it pasts so fast until today.

Last weekend, two friends had a bithday party together. It was the first time to see T's Girl friend, she is really cute. I like her and looked at her a lot, my friend was kidding me why I looked at the girl too much. It is strange, sometimes when I see somebody alike my friend, I will like the one also. The girl is the case, who looks like one of my friends a lot.

Recently I went to Hospital twice, once was visiting a friend's mom, another one is to company a friend who is going to have an operation which was yesterday. Human is like machine, sometimes over running will cause some problems and need get repaired.

I stayed over with my friend last night and talked a lot. I was given a lesson-reality. She thought I am crazy, I think she is right some ways.

It is life, I think happy things and sad things happen all the time. A co-worker is leaving for German tomorrow, it is always sad to see people leaving, but it is part of the life.

Tonight signed one approved insurance paper and paid the first month. Still wait for the another plan approved, but I told the lady, I might cancel it...Not many friends of mine bought insurance, I totally understand. I did not think about that too. Friends said they have no family and kids yet, so seems no need. Although I do not think I need them, I bought it in a very bad mood. Shopping helps when I am in bad mood, maybe! Actually I do not care about what it would be after I die, who cares; I have been believing that enjoy the life.

Had some strawberry shake tonight, which was home-made and really good! But I felt from heaven to hell the same day, so you can imagine how I feel. Two glasses of shake does not help at all:)