It is not a quiet night, because it is Halloween. Sometimes it is nice to have a change. The fireworks makes me think of the Chinese Spring Festival. It's been 6 years since I spent that holiday at home.
I have some vacation days each year, I used all up:) I usually go back to China to visit once a year, but not during the Festival yet. I really miss that holiday, a real holiday, friends and family get together, so happy!
I was in a party last Halloween. I met my piano instructor in the party, also saw a lesbian couple. One was flirting with me, I was worried if I look not straight:) Time flies!
Talking with a friend and laughing over the phone. We talked about kids and both are afraid of giving a birth, so we think if we can buy kids at grocery store, we will. It is just a funny talk...It is good to laugh in the Halloween. Happy Halloween!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Autumn rain
It was raining last night, maybe the whole night? Every time I woke up, I can hear the sound of the rain crackling on the window, ground and trees. The rain doesn't hurt at all, but thinking about something in such a rainy night in the fall hurts.
Saturday
Got a cup of hot smoothes at TimHorton this morning, then went sailing. It was freezing out there when sun was covered by the clouds. Afternoon it was getting clear, really enjoyed the warmth of the sunlight! Saw almost 10 seals today and lots of birds. I asked my friends to look at the sea kayak, they were laughing at me, because finally we found out that it was a seagull on a log.
Friends wanted to go to a gay club tonight, I told them to have fun. Went home and talked to a good friend for more than an hour. I cried over the phone, she was worried. I laugh a lot, I cry sometimes, I love, it's me. It is hard to pretend something when with good friend.
Friends wanted to go to a gay club tonight, I told them to have fun. Went home and talked to a good friend for more than an hour. I cried over the phone, she was worried. I laugh a lot, I cry sometimes, I love, it's me. It is hard to pretend something when with good friend.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Crying in the rain
I like taking a bath, especially when I feel stressed out. So I bought all kinds of bath oil, salt, bubble bath......Maybe have a glass of wine when I have the mood; but no wine today, only flower tea. Friend called, did not answer, just want to relax! I am bad sometimes I know it.
Then listening to that song over and over again. When I really love something, I know it right away. Like shopping, but not necessarily same:) It is not easy to find something that I am interested in. But If there is something, I will know it. I do not usually spend on something I am just ok with, no matter it is cheap or expensive; I mean I am picky when I am just ok with it. But when I really love something, I do not care how much it is, cheap or expensive, I always think it is worth it. Sorry for the distraction, let's get back to the music.
It is a very nice song "crying in the rain". I love this song, not sure if it is the rain, the thunder, the way he is singing it, or what he is singing, anyway, I know I love it. It is sad though, makes me want to cry. People say, women are water, men are mud, mud? :( Maybe that's why women have more tears?
I was thinking to sleep earlier tonight, but it is already 12 something. Have to get up a little early this morning. Maybe one more time, oh, I mean the song:) How about twice more?
Then listening to that song over and over again. When I really love something, I know it right away. Like shopping, but not necessarily same:) It is not easy to find something that I am interested in. But If there is something, I will know it. I do not usually spend on something I am just ok with, no matter it is cheap or expensive; I mean I am picky when I am just ok with it. But when I really love something, I do not care how much it is, cheap or expensive, I always think it is worth it. Sorry for the distraction, let's get back to the music.
It is a very nice song "crying in the rain". I love this song, not sure if it is the rain, the thunder, the way he is singing it, or what he is singing, anyway, I know I love it. It is sad though, makes me want to cry. People say, women are water, men are mud, mud? :( Maybe that's why women have more tears?
I was thinking to sleep earlier tonight, but it is already 12 something. Have to get up a little early this morning. Maybe one more time, oh, I mean the song:) How about twice more?
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Quality of the life
What does "Quality" mean to you? I did not mean money, of course money is important, but it is not everything:) Money can buy a million $$$ house, but can not buy love and happiness. BTW, historical record of 40 M$ 649 is a chance for you:) Even though it kind of equals impossibility, why not try your luck!
I like the word "quality". For me, quality life is a simple life full of pleasure and sweetness. I want a quality life which is a sweet home, sweet company and great sex. He is a friend, a lover and husband. He is the one who you can talk to, trust, and be yourself with. He is the one who you want to take care of like a kid sometimes. He is the one who can make you laugh. He is the one that you want to do many things together with; the one who you would like to share the life with, share the happiness, the pain, achievement and failure.
Is it desperate romantic story? I hope not, and I have a hope still at least!
:)
I like the word "quality". For me, quality life is a simple life full of pleasure and sweetness. I want a quality life which is a sweet home, sweet company and great sex. He is a friend, a lover and husband. He is the one who you can talk to, trust, and be yourself with. He is the one who you want to take care of like a kid sometimes. He is the one who can make you laugh. He is the one that you want to do many things together with; the one who you would like to share the life with, share the happiness, the pain, achievement and failure.
Is it desperate romantic story? I hope not, and I have a hope still at least!
:)
Monday, October 24, 2005
Friends
Called in sick today. I am really sick this time:) A friend called around 11:30am and took me out for lunch. It was good, otherwise I would not eat lunch I think. I am just lucky to have some good friends around. Came to Vancouver alone 6 years ago, knew nobody, then make some really good friends here.
Want to try doing some business, I think the way doing business is the same as being yourself. Have to be honest, kind, making efforts to dealth with partners. People all say business men are very tricky, maybe it is true, but it will be not my case. I would treat my business partners like friends. If I am wrong, correct me please. Giving your heart, then you will have his.
I never have any expectation when making friends, I will do what I can and what I want to do for them. Then I found out, they are all so nice to me.
Want to try doing some business, I think the way doing business is the same as being yourself. Have to be honest, kind, making efforts to dealth with partners. People all say business men are very tricky, maybe it is true, but it will be not my case. I would treat my business partners like friends. If I am wrong, correct me please. Giving your heart, then you will have his.
I never have any expectation when making friends, I will do what I can and what I want to do for them. Then I found out, they are all so nice to me.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Good Sailing
I had a good time sailing today. There is strong wind out there on the ocean. We laughed at the forcast, it said only 4-5 knots:) It is almost 15-20, I guess. The boat was tipped around at least 30 degree, once more than 45 deg. It is exciting, but I did feel a little scared, I was afraid that it would capasize, do not want to die yet. I am just kidding, nothing so serious, even it is tipped over.I have life jacket! But I did almost scream out. Do not laugh at me for the fact that I am not good at swimming. Yes, it is rediculous. I love water though, a lot, Love ocean. I like waterskiing, sailing...but I am not a good swimmer at all.
One night stand
Can you do it? Friends talked about that before. Non of my friends can take it, I am not kidding. "Things exist for reasons", I have no comment about that with others, I just can not do it.
Nothing is right or wrong, it is all about you, as long as you can accept that and sleep well with it, you can do everything you want. That is my opinion.
A friend said, he is easily in love with somebody, he looked innocent when he said so, but he can not do the "one night" thing. Another told me he loves women, I like the honesty too. Some people like flirting, talk a lot, but very conservative:) People are just different. Old saying-man thinks of sex first, then love; woman loves, then sex:)
Nothing is right or wrong, it is all about you, as long as you can accept that and sleep well with it, you can do everything you want. That is my opinion.
A friend said, he is easily in love with somebody, he looked innocent when he said so, but he can not do the "one night" thing. Another told me he loves women, I like the honesty too. Some people like flirting, talk a lot, but very conservative:) People are just different. Old saying-man thinks of sex first, then love; woman loves, then sex:)
Saturday morning
It is such a beautiful day! Woke up around 6am something, could not sleep any more. Staying in my bed thinking about something, wondering if it is a good day for sailing or rainy. Thought somebody somewhere esle might be up at that time too and stay awake like me.
Okay, have to go, friends are waiting for me, I guess....
BTW, if you like somebody, will you tell him? I am strating doing that. Somebody told me that if you find somebody, just do not miss him, you might never find him again in you life time. I think it is true.
Okay, have to go, friends are waiting for me, I guess....
BTW, if you like somebody, will you tell him? I am strating doing that. Somebody told me that if you find somebody, just do not miss him, you might never find him again in you life time. I think it is true.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Good pressure
My friend talked about the pressure that she recently gave to her BF. She told me that she is surprised that she did that. It is a long distance relationship. She told him that next year she would not travel as much as this year, because she wants to save to buy a condo...So either move here or...Amazingly he got the very first job interview after that. Before he made 50% effort, now 90%:)
Does long distance relationship work? It works if you have good faith in each other and for a period of time, I think.
Did I give any pressure to anybody? So far only once, if it is. I think a little pressure is good for both, if I do not really care or do not grow up yet, I won't. Only if I really want and am serious about something, I will do it. Not much, a bit is enough. If people care, they will know what to do. Of course, good communication plays a key role here!
Does long distance relationship work? It works if you have good faith in each other and for a period of time, I think.
Did I give any pressure to anybody? So far only once, if it is. I think a little pressure is good for both, if I do not really care or do not grow up yet, I won't. Only if I really want and am serious about something, I will do it. Not much, a bit is enough. If people care, they will know what to do. Of course, good communication plays a key role here!
Friday thing
After the meeting, went for dinner with my lovely friend. The Belagio, a nice restaurant we usually go for pasta. We have not met up in almost two weeks, both are busy. Talked a lot. But I am so exausted today, unbelievable! I need to find somebody to balme:)
We were supposed to get the business card tonight, but that guy in charge did not show up. It is a group of 7 people who built up a partnership for consulting business. It is a thing out of my rountine work.
Also, what the heck! I got my examination result, the "intelligence and IQ" thing, I was right, not good at all. Shit!! The other friend just talked about during the meeting, she was upset about that too. I was hoping appears a miracle! :( Anyway, I did not make any effort at all before the test, so not really a big surprise. Never be so easy, I have to try harder, I knew it. It applies to anything for me, I guess.
We were supposed to get the business card tonight, but that guy in charge did not show up. It is a group of 7 people who built up a partnership for consulting business. It is a thing out of my rountine work.
Also, what the heck! I got my examination result, the "intelligence and IQ" thing, I was right, not good at all. Shit!! The other friend just talked about during the meeting, she was upset about that too. I was hoping appears a miracle! :( Anyway, I did not make any effort at all before the test, so not really a big surprise. Never be so easy, I have to try harder, I knew it. It applies to anything for me, I guess.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Moody
I have a meeting tomorrow night at 6Pm, Uh! It is Friday night. It is my second "job" thing. I need to finish up something before that, but I just started. Feel lazy and tired. I am so careless sometimes when I want to, friends all know that, I am forgiven:)
Friend wants to go out after meeting, not sure if I will go. I am a little moody these days, I bite when I am grumpy. If I do not have enough sleep and when hungry, I am.
Friend wants to go out after meeting, not sure if I will go. I am a little moody these days, I bite when I am grumpy. If I do not have enough sleep and when hungry, I am.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Listen to my heart
Closing my eyes, just listen to the music, listen to you......Afraid to let it flow?
United Way
This morning there is a United Way kick off meeting at my work, starting with $5 brunch, all will go to United Way which will help people in need, from children's hospital to cancer foundation, etc...
A large amount of the meetings in this bulilding are full of shit (excuse me), but this one makes sense. I was a volunteer for last two years for that. I like the idea of sharing and helping people in need. I was thinking I would like to do some works on charity if having chances. I like the pan-fried or whatever the egg, but it is gone so fast:) Did not eat lunch although I brought it, will leave it for tomorrow. Do not usually eat much during lunch. It is raining, played the PingPong game a little bit during break. The game is part of UW activities for raising money, palyers pay $10. I was in, but as you can imagine, I lost in every game.
I told you that I am not good at that, maybe other games:)
A large amount of the meetings in this bulilding are full of shit (excuse me), but this one makes sense. I was a volunteer for last two years for that. I like the idea of sharing and helping people in need. I was thinking I would like to do some works on charity if having chances. I like the pan-fried or whatever the egg, but it is gone so fast:) Did not eat lunch although I brought it, will leave it for tomorrow. Do not usually eat much during lunch. It is raining, played the PingPong game a little bit during break. The game is part of UW activities for raising money, palyers pay $10. I was in, but as you can imagine, I lost in every game.
I told you that I am not good at that, maybe other games:)
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
The cat
It is a year already since I moved into this apartment. I still think of that black cat sometimes. I met that cat outside of my old place. He is so smart and wanted to find a "home". He ever followed me into the building and tried to follow me in the elevator. I felt very sorry for not being able to keep him.
After that, I bought some cat food and fed him whenever I saw him. He kind of liked me and trusted me. He could let me close to him and even touch him. The last time I saw him, he was with another cat. He knew my car. I parked my car and went close to them. The other cat run away, but he did not. I left him some dry food.
Not long after that, I moved out of that building, and never saw him again. I still have the cat food. If it is not expired yet, I should give it away to friend who has cats. I really want to see him again and hope he found a company. Then I will feel happy about that.
After that, I bought some cat food and fed him whenever I saw him. He kind of liked me and trusted me. He could let me close to him and even touch him. The last time I saw him, he was with another cat. He knew my car. I parked my car and went close to them. The other cat run away, but he did not. I left him some dry food.
Not long after that, I moved out of that building, and never saw him again. I still have the cat food. If it is not expired yet, I should give it away to friend who has cats. I really want to see him again and hope he found a company. Then I will feel happy about that.
At work
My office is a big mess. I just do not want to clean it up or make it tidy, need motivation:) After having lunch, talked with a few nice people here in the office, then back to my routine work.
Had a good lunch. I know it is kind of cold having lunch outside on the beach, October already. But it is really a sunny day. Did a little hiking after lunch. It is a nice trail, beautiful trees with falling leaves. Huge maple or unknown leaves dancing in the sky, some seeds falling down turning beautifully like skating performance. There is a small creek, water running through the forest happily, birds are singing. Only taking a few portraits during the break.
A coworker said his third kid Andrew just had his first birthday. I saw that cute boy once, adorable:)
Had a good lunch. I know it is kind of cold having lunch outside on the beach, October already. But it is really a sunny day. Did a little hiking after lunch. It is a nice trail, beautiful trees with falling leaves. Huge maple or unknown leaves dancing in the sky, some seeds falling down turning beautifully like skating performance. There is a small creek, water running through the forest happily, birds are singing. Only taking a few portraits during the break.
A coworker said his third kid Andrew just had his first birthday. I saw that cute boy once, adorable:)
Demanding
Am I demanding? Only one man so far said so, and one girlfriend. The girl is my best friend, a friend in need and indeed. I am wondering why she said so, she just said, "you are". I have no clue! Am I really demanding in relationship???? Are people becoming demanding in relationships?
I do not think I ask much in relationship, I am thoughtful, passionate, forgiving(?, most of the time), impatient(50%). I am not easy to be involved in the relationship, but once I am in, I hardly control myself. A testmony from a friend is that there is fire inside the calm ocean, just need ignition.
I do not think I ask much in relationship, I am thoughtful, passionate, forgiving(?, most of the time), impatient(50%). I am not easy to be involved in the relationship, but once I am in, I hardly control myself. A testmony from a friend is that there is fire inside the calm ocean, just need ignition.
Movie
I watched a movie the other day, "40 years old virgin". It is hilarious! I can not help laughing to death.
Monday, October 17, 2005
O girassol
The sunflower! I love this song although I do not understand what he is singing. It is such a piece of beautiful music, passionate, romantic, gentle, blue, delightful......Spanish guitar, the piano and the violin, just perfect!
Is there a wish and hope? Is it telling a story? "Want to be with you and faça-lhe o amor in that summer night"? "I miss you!"
Is there a wish and hope? Is it telling a story? "Want to be with you and faça-lhe o amor in that summer night"? "I miss you!"
Color of the fall
I love the color of the fall. It is gorgeous! The leaves, so beautiful. It is the painting of the Nature, the coulor, the red, the yellow, the golden yellow, the green, so rich! I like the smell of the leaves and trees. I like to walk on the fallen leaves, feel like stepping on the snow, the sounds of the world.
Thinking I might bring my carmera to work tomorrow and take some pictures!
Thinking I might bring my carmera to work tomorrow and take some pictures!
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Life is fragile, but love not
Mom visited in April and stayed with me for 5 months. She left a month ago because she felt so bored here and miss her two cute dogs. I am the youngest one in my family, I have two brothers and one sister. I am alone here in Vancouver thousands miles away from "home".
Just talked to her and she is staying with her old friends for a few days and sounds happy. The aunt, her friend, never married. She was very pretty when she was young, I saw the pictue. I heard that she ever was going out with my uncle, my mother's brother; but for some reasons, parents's opinion, maybe, was involved, then they seperated. 30 or 40 years later, uncle's wife died, people wanted to stick the two half stamps together, but thing changed in 40 years, for sure. Not successful!
Mom was retired after having the second kid. She cooked for us before Dad was retired, then Dad cooked. I never cooked at home. I was kind of spoiled. I learned cooking here in Vancouver 6 years ago when I first came here. During her stay in Vancouver with me, I cook for her, she never cooked here. I am so happy to cook for her!
Dad passed away in 2001 when he and my mom visited me in Vancouver. It is the most difficult time in my life. It was not supposed to happen, not at all! Heart attack, I could not talk about it in two years, even can not think about that. God knows how much I loved him. The pain and the desperateness, I can still feel when I am writing this.
My parents are very kind and very decent. They like to help people, they taught me "love". They never interfere me with anything. They respect my choice for life. They love each other. He always hold her hand when walking together. I am hoping that I can find one who I love and love me holding my hands, sharing the happiness, the pain and the life with me together no matter what...Life is fragile, but love not!
Just talked to her and she is staying with her old friends for a few days and sounds happy. The aunt, her friend, never married. She was very pretty when she was young, I saw the pictue. I heard that she ever was going out with my uncle, my mother's brother; but for some reasons, parents's opinion, maybe, was involved, then they seperated. 30 or 40 years later, uncle's wife died, people wanted to stick the two half stamps together, but thing changed in 40 years, for sure. Not successful!
Mom was retired after having the second kid. She cooked for us before Dad was retired, then Dad cooked. I never cooked at home. I was kind of spoiled. I learned cooking here in Vancouver 6 years ago when I first came here. During her stay in Vancouver with me, I cook for her, she never cooked here. I am so happy to cook for her!
Dad passed away in 2001 when he and my mom visited me in Vancouver. It is the most difficult time in my life. It was not supposed to happen, not at all! Heart attack, I could not talk about it in two years, even can not think about that. God knows how much I loved him. The pain and the desperateness, I can still feel when I am writing this.
My parents are very kind and very decent. They like to help people, they taught me "love". They never interfere me with anything. They respect my choice for life. They love each other. He always hold her hand when walking together. I am hoping that I can find one who I love and love me holding my hands, sharing the happiness, the pain and the life with me together no matter what...Life is fragile, but love not!
The simple happiness
It rains the whole day. Got up late and did some laundry. I went to the science world in the afternoon. It is very impressive! I never saw so many kids in my life in one day and they are so cute! The volunteer J showed me around the Eureka and I tried the parachute, plasma, and so on. I am so pleased by trying those. An unforgettable day for me! It is the simple pleasure.
Yes, the simple happiness is what I like and what I have been looking for. But sometimes I forgot it because of the busy life and the expectations. I dreamed of living in a quiet small town, which rains a lot, has winding road made from the old stones, high walls on both sides of the street, some purple flowers just waving over my face. An old friend is living in such a beautiful town now and having his simple life. I am happy for him. I forget if I talked about that with him before, but it is in my heart. I can recall it, although I forgot sometimes; when I think of that, I feel my heart aching, it seems a centry passed by already.
I do not like complications, but it seems my patten. How can I change it? Somebody said that life is not easy, how happy you are depends on how well you solve the problem. I think it is ture, and it is life!
Yes, the simple happiness is what I like and what I have been looking for. But sometimes I forgot it because of the busy life and the expectations. I dreamed of living in a quiet small town, which rains a lot, has winding road made from the old stones, high walls on both sides of the street, some purple flowers just waving over my face. An old friend is living in such a beautiful town now and having his simple life. I am happy for him. I forget if I talked about that with him before, but it is in my heart. I can recall it, although I forgot sometimes; when I think of that, I feel my heart aching, it seems a centry passed by already.
I do not like complications, but it seems my patten. How can I change it? Somebody said that life is not easy, how happy you are depends on how well you solve the problem. I think it is ture, and it is life!
sailing
It is, no it was a beautiful day yesterday. Set the alarm clock at 7:30am, and got up around 8am. Uh, it was Saturday, wanted to sleep more, but :) had to meet up with friends for sailing. The mask had to cross a little hydraulic bridge which need to be operated by person. We called to ask the favor for opening the bridge around 9:30am which had to cause temporary trafic jam.
Sailing out to the ocean from the river took us more than an hour, it was low tide, faster than last week when we sailed out because of the current. It rained a lot these days, lucky that it was a sunny day-sailing. (it rained again the same evening:)) It is Vancouver! Lots of rain in winter, but it does not bother me too much. I just appreciate everyhing I have here.
Rigging the boat with jib-nova (hope it is the right word), which is bigger than nomal jib and can catch more wind. saw a few cute seals, oh, Forgot the dog! One friend took his dog, cute dog. The dog and the seal looked at each other, one on the boat, the other in the ocean. I am wondering if they were families thousands of years ago, because they look alike, the cute face, the nose! I am a dog lover, thinking to have one. My friend once said, why dog, so expensive, how about having a kid! What! Kid? I even have to think twice about the commitment before having a dog:) Anyway, I love kids too, just not a right time and have to find my kid's dad first.
Saw some small racing boats, listened to the sound of the water splashing when the boat is flying. Saw the lines behind the boad and knew the speed. it is really nice!
Sailing out to the ocean from the river took us more than an hour, it was low tide, faster than last week when we sailed out because of the current. It rained a lot these days, lucky that it was a sunny day-sailing. (it rained again the same evening:)) It is Vancouver! Lots of rain in winter, but it does not bother me too much. I just appreciate everyhing I have here.
Rigging the boat with jib-nova (hope it is the right word), which is bigger than nomal jib and can catch more wind. saw a few cute seals, oh, Forgot the dog! One friend took his dog, cute dog. The dog and the seal looked at each other, one on the boat, the other in the ocean. I am wondering if they were families thousands of years ago, because they look alike, the cute face, the nose! I am a dog lover, thinking to have one. My friend once said, why dog, so expensive, how about having a kid! What! Kid? I even have to think twice about the commitment before having a dog:) Anyway, I love kids too, just not a right time and have to find my kid's dad first.
Saw some small racing boats, listened to the sound of the water splashing when the boat is flying. Saw the lines behind the boad and knew the speed. it is really nice!
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